Andrew Womack: Plants I Have Killed. Eventually I found a dugout of healthy plants and chose an attractive little houseplant — an eighteen-inch rubber plant (not a plastic plant, mind you — a rubber plant; it requires water and everything.)
I quote this only because I have a gift for which there are no words. My aptitude with plants can only be described in the negative. Take all the qualities of a good gardener, and negate them, and that’s me. Take all the qualities of a good garden, and negate them, and that’s what my garden looks like. I have telepathic powers that can kill plants just by looking at them. I can burn out a lawn in a hurricane. I am the opposite of a “green thumb”.
My girlfriend, luckily, is a natural, so I will leave the gardening to her, and offer words of encouragement without actually looking at her handiwork, for fear of ruining it.
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