Having sex immediately after your wedding?
— Anonymous 
Screw like mad weasels.
The simplest recomendation is to have sex. Hate to say it but that seems the only way. And not wearing pants does help, especially during….
But seriously, the only help I’ve seen that seems remotely useful is that the female orgasm helps in ‘taking in’ sperm and giving them a leg up on the journey. Other than that… I don’t know. Some couples can’t conceive without difficulty. Others seem to be able to have kids regardless of the birth control being used. (Ever wonder why they never say 100% effective? Count me and my wife in this group. Amazing how biology can override chemistry).
Whatever happens, good luck. Have fun, and let nature take it’s course. The amazing thing about being alive is that every one of your direct ancestors either had a child or fathered a child. So the odds are pretty good.
— DavidG
What worked for us was merely switching positions and paying attention to her ovulating schedule. We’d tried before for about 4 months a year prior. By “try” I mean we didn’t use any birth control.
The second time around last year, we took the advice of some of her friends and started having sex in the missionary position. It took ~1 month of sex every 2-3 days. Spacing the days out is important to maximize your sperm count per ejaculation, as you need about 24-48 hours to generate a lot of swimmers.
If I were you, I’d do none of those things, so as to stretch out the period of “must-have sex today”. I got mine over too quickly. I still regret it. :)
Avoid any form of ejaculation for at least one week prior to “the day”.
Try and time “the day” based on the peak of her cycle. Most Natural Family PLanning consultants can help you work this out.
Good luck
— Richard
A whole week is overkill. You can regenerate all your sperm in a 48 hour period. Nobody should hold it in for a week. That has to be bad Karma. :)
The first step is to shut down your computer…
— Anonymous
Here’s what worked for us - cut down on the alcohol, don’t worry about the caffeine unless you drink lots. You should take a supplement of 400 mg Vit E, 500 mg Vit C and 200 mg selenium every day, starting a few months in advance (she should take 1 mg folic acid every day, too). Eat a reasonably high-protein diet as well, also starting a few months in advance.
Then the scheduling - the suggestions at http://www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm worked for us. Forget the Robitussin though - my doctor didn’t agree with it and we didn’t need it.
— Anonymous
As I understand from my parents, who conceived myself and my two siblings all earlier than they wanted, the best remedy is just not to expect to conceive. Invariably, when you want to you can’t and when you don’t want to you can.
Just pretend like you really don’t want to conceive, you’re just having sex for fun, and you should not have a hard time.
Anyway, there’s no really good reason to worry unless you’ve had fertility problems in the past. Biology says that you might as well try it the ordinary way first and then start planning if some impediment turns up.
There are some good omens, though. May 17 is a good day to get married (and not just ’cause it’s my birthday): The Watergate hearings began that day and the very first website was announced by Tim Berners-Lee. For a web developer and standards monkey like you, the second should be auspicious.
Congratulations!
The part about not wearing tight pants, etc is true. Keeping the sperm too close to the body doesn’t give it a chance to regulate their temperature.
whoops - next time check the units *before* posting… that should have been 400 IU Vit E, 55 - 200 mcg selenium. The Vit C and folic acid numbers were right.
— Anonymous
I’m surprised no-one mentioned avoiding hot water. So no hot-tubs, hot baths, or hot showers.
After hand-holding my best friend through 2 years of infertility tests and treatment (she’s due in 3 months!!) I have 3 main pieces of advice:
1. Do not read too much!! It will make you crazy. Stick with one book you like and your doctor’s advice, unless a problem arises. Too much information will just stress you both out, and it will all start to conflict.
2. If she does the basal body temperature measurements, get a BBT thermometer, don’t bother with a regular one.
3. Do the preconception checkup before you start, and ask (I mean, she should ask) to be put on prenatal vitamins NOW. If nothing else, she needs to be taking the folic acid for about 3-4 months before conception for it to do any good (it prevents a lot of problems). Going ahead and getting on a pregnancy nutrition plan now can’t hurt either. Unless you find out you have serious fertility issues, I’d concentrate more on insuring the best possible health for baby and mother, which you can control, then on aiming for a specific month.
and a 4th — don’t stress too much on hitting that first window; virtually everyone I know has “hit the jackpot” within 2-3 months of trying.
Good luck!
— Sarah
Well, that would be “ensuring”, actually. But in either case, a good idea.
— Sarah
Go to a fertility specialist doctor NOW.
My wife gave me a year to get her pregnant the “old-fashioned” way and then it was “see the doctor.” You need to check out whether you have problems (sperm count and motility are big issues in men) or your wife has problems (besides the usual problems some women — if I remember correctly — are “allergic” to their husband’s sperm).
This was back in 1983 and I’m sure they’re more advanced, but getting pregant — like life — is all about timing. If I remember correctly, it involved the color of her vaginal secretions and the consistency. When ovulating, the secretions are different — now you see why you have to go to a doctor.
Tight pants and jockey shorts were an issue back then and since I lived in California — hot tubs were an issue.
Mark, if you want more gory details — and getting pregnant on purpose is not terribly romantic — you know my e-mail.
Vincent Flanders
Why are you waiting till you’re married?
— Anonymous
Re: “Why are you waiting till you’re married?”. Because we don’t want to worry for the rest of our lives whether our child have enough of an aptitude in math to count backwards from 9.
— Mark
I had been warned about the no bike thing for years. However, I put in about 200 or so miles a week riding my bike to and from the office. When I was racing, I was putting in closer to 450 miles a week. That’s a lot of time in the saddle. On the weekends I’m wrapped in neoprene either surfing, diving or ocean swimming.
Our problem getting pregnant was in the fact that my wife has endometreosis (which I probably spelled wrong). It causes the uterus not to slough off everything during the period which then causes scar tissue to form. She had a surgery to clean out the scar tissue and within a month we were pregnant.
My one question to you is: Why the immediacy? Why not enjoy each other and your marriage for a few years without any little ones running around? This really isn’t one of things you should just rush off into.
8)
— Sean
It all works. All of it. Here’s more.
Change your priorities.
Strength Training. Train hard and to failure. Do this before noon when your hormone lvl is higher. Take creatine monohydrate to avoid soreness.
Eat a lot.
Take vitamins. Although you need vit E, you must take it w/vit C to be effective. Take extra zinc. Take a lot of b-vitamins. Nutritional yeast is good for this.
Eat a lot.
Eat a lot of egg whites. If you think about it, it’s quite obvious why. A large load of protein that is lost must be replaced.
Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Citrus, bananas, spinach, broccoli, greens. Buy a juicer, a blender, and large cans of protein powder. Organics have more vitamins. Mix protein w/creatine in your juice. Develop your own smoothie recipies. You’re creative, right?
Set aside enough time for sleep. If you are training hard enough, it won’t be hard to sleep well. Give yourself 7-8 1/2 hrs time to sleep.
Read muscle magazines like muscle & fitness. You’ll find even more tips.
The comment “put down your computer first” is excellent advice.
Of course, anyone planning on bringing a child into this world, especially in this era, is obviously fucked. If you do have a child, he may grow to resent you for bringing him into this world, jsut as I have grown to resent my parent (no ’s’ –can’t resent the dead). Mind you, I’m 29, not a rebellious teenager. America is a very fucked place to live because of the people and the government. If you disagree, then I’d say you’re a lucky and ignorant fool.
Butt sex/ass-to-mouth sex are best. This also avoids unwanted pregnancy.
Of course, if your woman just doesn’t do anything for you, then you have a totally different problem. If you’re not stuck in poverty (like me) you can get your independence. Lots of women out there…
– “I wanted to put a bullet in the head of every panda that wouldn’t fuck to save it’s own species.”
What worked for me the first time was buying a car. We had just had a solemn discussion about finances, and concluded that we could afford to have either a car or a baby …
Fly to Paris or Prague, forget you want a baby, that’s all it takes.
Besides the making, you could try to control the outcome.
I think she has to eat nuts for a girl, and fruit for a boy.
Or something like that.
Cheers.
— Heck
I’m suprised this is so difficult. I was under the impression that people were having babies for thousands of years at a simply furious rate without the aid of special vitamins, special shorts, cups of egg whites, books and doctors galore..
In fact, my girlfriend and I have to jump through quite a few hoops just to AVOID getting pregnant. From all the data, it looks like all it would take is for us to slip up on that front and BAM she’d be pregnant.
If I were you, I’d just remove anything that could get in the way of what your entire body was designed to do, and let nature do its thing. You didn’t evolve with tighty whities, so drop ‘em. You didn’t evolve with 4 beers per day, so drop ‘em. You get the idea.. Just be hot sexy forest people, doing nature’s little duty.
Heh, boy, it takes courage to open your fertility up to the world (I bet it sure brings in the hits though).
— sam
Matt’s brilliant plan is to take Mark and D to a make-out point, and set the scene for romance. Mark’s Firebird has been crudely converted into a convertible, and he and D sit in the back seat, dressed in high school jackets. Matt stands just outside the car.
Matt: Now, this situation is guaranteed to end in pregnancy.
Mark: I’m willing to play the high school jock but did you have to cut the roof off my car?
Matt: Bup-bup-bup-bup. That’s a Mark question, you’re Greg.
Mark: [reading from a script] Gee, Betsy, it’s such a nice night. Why don’t we go all the way?
D: [also reading] But Greg, my Dad will kill me! And, you have that scholarship to Ivy League State.
Mark: Loosen up, baby. Tomorrow, I’m shipping off to Vietnam. [looks up] I, I thought I was going to Ivy League State.
Matt: My mistake, stay in the moment.
D: Just don’t forget me on your dinosaur bone-digging-up trip. [they kiss]
Matt: And that’s my cue to exit. [backs away] [Mark and D keep kissing, as Matt's head peers over the side of the car]
Mark: Matt!
Matt: I just wanted to invite you to the wrap party. And that’s my cue to exit. [backs away again; Mark and D pick up where they left off]
– A good exit is essential, “Eight Misbehavin’”
(Special thanks to the Simpsons and snpp.com)
— matt
wife and i tried for about 18 months, with increasingly tedious science. then we got one of those saliva microscopes to identify peak fertility. the test gave us a different and narrower “go” window than the other methods. pregnant 2 months later. it is much easier and more fun to wait for the snowflakes than to pee on slide rules and so on, and yeah, it seemed to work. search google for “saliva fertility microscope” . son is 6 months old and very happy.
— todd
Just make sure that having a child would have dire financial consequences. That usually seems to guarantee pregnancy.
#22, all the way. it seems that it has worked up until the 60’s of the last century without any special books, vitamins, medicine or other tools of the trade. why should it stop just now?
— Anonymous
Actually, the book D. is reading is excellent, and has helped many women I know overcome what they thought were infertility problems.
(And I’m delighted to find you’ve added comments here. Hope they turn out to be a blessing and not a curse.)
— Liz
Ignore the comments about not ejaculating for some time prior. Recent studies (where recent is any time in the last decade or two) have shown that this is a myth and that regular ejaculation tends to increase a man’s sperm count - not decrease it. Sperm is made continuously, not made until it fills a chamber and then the factories shut down, so go for it.
And your kid doesn’t have to be able to count back by 9, they just have to hit Google; this is the silly stuff that lives forever in archives.
— Anonymous
In all of the above comments why has no one mentioned TIMING? You can have sex 29 out of 30 days and miss the only one that counts.
So,
1. your wife to be should start tracking her monthly cycles (ie are they 28 days? 32?..)
2. generally she will ovulate 14 days from the first day of her NEXT period (with a 28 day cycle this means she ovulates on day 14)
3. Now if all is well you just “play” around this day (usually people say 2 days in front two days behind), every other day, or every day
4. Remember that for a normal couple that doesn;t have any fertility problems it can take up to a year to conceive (if you are under 35)
5. If your wife to be is over 35 you should consult a doctor as risks increase big time…
Good luck…
— Anonymous
I’m going to have to echo the suggestions of just to forget about trying to have kids and just have fun. After seven years of trying my doctor told me that I was infertile and would probably never father kids. I told my wife the news and we decided that that was fate and gave up on the notion of having kids. Six months later she was pregnant. I’ve got two sons now, five years apart.
The answer should be clear to you already, Mr. Pilgrim:
* Take out your copy of the Manual (we know you have it — http://diveintomark.org/archives/2002/05/24/rtfm.html )
* Turn to page 26.
* Read it over once to make sure you understand.
* Finally, follow the instructions, as carefully and completely as possible.
Having never gotten anyone pregnant (to my knowledge) I’m not exactly the best one to help answer your question Mark…
…but I know someone who is! LAZYWEB!! We invoke thee!!!
Good luck, Mark. I’m solidly in the camp with a few above who said enjoy the sex and forget about the babies. That’s a surefire method of success.
— Jay
Plenty of oral sex will prepare her immune system to not attack your sperm. I kid you not. (http://www.deadlybloodyserious.com/2002/02/08.html#a462, http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_514317.html)
Slightly more obscure: if she has endometriosis (http://www.endometriosis.org/) — many women do but don’t know about it — then that’ll adversely affect her fertility. Oddly enough, if she has a laproscopy to deal with any endometriotic lesions, she’s likely to have a three to six month window of hyperfertility. Nobody knows exactly why that is. I only mention it because that’s exactly how Zoe and I became up the duff (http://www.deadlybloodyserious.com/UpTheDuff/).
— Garth
I’ve read serious scholarly studies that indicate the psychological stability and balance of children is higher when the parents did not get pregnant for at least 12 months after marriage. That is, there appears to be a correlation between waiting 12 months after marriage to get pregnant and well-balanced children. I’m sorry I don’t have a reference at hand. But have fun however and whenever you do it!
— Anonymous
Damnit, why did I not hear of that study a year ago? Also note fellas, the study concludes she must swallow. :D
My wife and I were married on May 15, 1999 and conceived our son on or around June 5th. In other words, on the first go. After he was born we’ve had two miscarriages. Since we’d gone to Italy on our honeymoon we’ve decided that that is the missing element and are going again this spring before trying again for baby #2.
Now, Italy may be a bit much but, hey, it worked for us.
Oh, that and the every other day know when she’s ovulating have her stick her legs up in the air so less gets out afterwards mantra.
Of course, I did feel cheated when the “we must have sex a lot” phase ended so fast. I figured I’d have at least four months of it. Alas…
— Andy
What worked for us: we were trying for a year after SWMBO ceased taking hormone contraceptives before we were married. Close enough to nine months after the wedding our son was born. Seventeen and a half years later, we have a not quite fully grown PHP programmer. YMMV…
I suspect that it’s easiest just to have fun for a while and if that doesn’t work out, do something about it then. Most people, most of the time throughout history seem have had no particular problems.
Good luck! :-)
Oh, and many thanks for giving me interesting things to think about…
Have sex like you’re trying not to have one. Worked for my parents (who also spaced 4 kids within a few weeks of 18 months apart each, then the fifth seven years after the fourth), worked (unintentionally) for me and mine.
— Melissa
Get D off the pill three months in advance so that the natural cycle can re-establish itself.
Don’t think it has got to happen the first time. Don’t stress yourselves. Lots of women get pregnant after trying for years and finally giving up, just because the pressure wasn’t there any more.
— 2b
Just relax and enjoy your “trying-to-make-a-baby” efforts and try to make it a fuzzy, happy memory in the future.
Also, don’t get your hopes too high about getting pregnant on your first try and don’t worry too much about all these home-remedies and building-up-sperm-for-48-hours crap. These sort of things are just likely to get you all stressed and irritable and less likely to enjoy the ride (pun intended, sorry couldn’t resist).
Bottomline: Don’t even give pregnancy too much thought. Just stop using your normal contraceptions and have plenty of good sex.
But seriously, have fun, take care and the very best of luck in your efforts.
Please please please spare us the spreading of your genes! Keep it covered.
— Anonymous
Just let it happen naturally. If it was meant to be, it will be.
If you are lucky enough to be blessed with life’s greatest gift, I’ll look forward to chiming in to the discussion two years from now when your up to your neck in poopy diapers and wondering how to keep your precious little curtain-climber from tearing up your house and waking you up at ungodly hours of the night.
Good Luck.
— Anonymous
Unless you think you or your future spouse have some kind of medical fertility condition, my best advise to you is to relax. We humans have propagated the species to cover practically every corner of the globe. Reproduction is as easy as falling off a log, but I have noticed friends that “tried too hard” or were on some kind of schedule had difficulty concieving even though doctors found no medical condition that would prevent them from doing so. So I guess you can boil down my advice to “let nature take its course”. Forget the schedule, the charts, etc. It works much better that way.
Oh and screwing like weasles can’t hurt either.
— gio
My fiancee and I are getting married the day before you. I very much wish that it would work for our circumstances to get pregnant immediately. We’re hoping to wait only about six months, though. Based on lots of good advice, we’re using the Natural Family Planning techniques from the couple-to-couple league http://www.ccli.org/ both to delay conceiving and to help with it when we get to that point. I can’t say anything personal about NFP effectiveness for either purpose yet, though.
What people have said so far about quitting the pill and charting cycles is right-on. Especially the pill, if that’s an issue. Someone noted that people in centuries past mostly managed to get pregnant without fertility doctors, medicines, and techniques. Well, that was before the pill.
God be with you. Your success is in my prayers.
-Joshua <><
Watch lesbian porn.
Why is it so important to have a child right away? You’re going to love it whenever it comes along, right? Since you asked, just relax and be ready for whatever happens.
Wife and I tried for several years, and I’m convinced that prayer made the difference; that and consistently trying to time things right, using ovulation tests.
— Anonymous
I’d like to point out that at no time did I pray, yet we still conceived. I’m convinced prayer has absolutely nothing to do with.
select names from want_to_have_a_baby where thinking_way_too_much_about_babies_when_the_wedding_isnt_even_over=’Y’
Why on earth would you ask for this kind of advice online?
— Anonymous
What worked for us was to buy a house, get massively into debt, and decide there was no way we could afford a family just yet :-)
Seriously, I wish you both the best of luck - and don’t discount the ‘just have sex’ advice, it usually works without all the additives. When the happy day arrives, please make the very very most of it - days becomes weeks become months become years, just like that, and before you know it they are off to University. It’ll change your outlook on life and the way you live your life!
Best wishes.
— Chris
Also - is this a record for number of comments?
— Chris
actually, you should probably just get pissed.
we were, and my doctor (and all the midwives I have met) reckon a much higher percentage of babies are concieved during benders.
try strawberry daiquiris.
— zoe, pregnant wife of Garth Kidd
This won’t help you get pregnant, but it will make the following 25 years much more pleasant: meditate. Deepen your inner peace. Practice effective methods for increasing your ability to love. Your kids will thank you later.
— former davel
Since my primary expertise lies in not getting women pregnant, I’ve held off commenting until I could consult an expert whom Dora, given her cultural background, could trust: Amy, one of the partners in the Chinese restaurant where I eat every Friday night.
Amy’s initial advice was that you, Mark, should refrain from drinking Coca-Cola, Pepsi-Cola, or any other kind of cola, since it is generally agreed in Chinese circles that “cola kills sperm.” Amy’s observations of her friends offspring (or lack thereof) suggests that if the the husband drinks cola the couple will either have no children or only girls.
More interesting was Amy’s advice as to activities Dora should avoid once she is pregnant. She should definitely not:
* hang out washing
* hammer nails
* hang pictures on a wall
* cut or prune any trees in the garden.
The hanging or hammering activities are forbidden because of the physical harm that might come to the baby through extreme muscular effort or sudden shocks. Cutting or pruning trees is prohibited because until just before the baby is born its spirit resides in a tree.
“William didn’t drink cola,” Amy told me, “he wouldn’t let me hang out the washing or hammer nails into the wall, and he did all the gardening. And we have a boy and a girl.”
— Anonymous
Somehow, perhaps because of the novelty of being able to comment on one of your posts, I managed to omit my name from the previous comment. Hope Amy’s advice helps.
Wow! I can’t believe the feedback you’re getting! I had to stop reading after about 25 commments. Just wanted to throw in my two cents.
Modern natural family planning methods (plural) have advanced as much as the computer over the 1960’s calculator. People confuse it with calendar rhythm and think of them as only used to avoid pregnancy but it is also commonly used to plan a pregnancy for couples who may be experiencing minor infertility issues. It allowed my wife and I to get the desired spacing between our children and yet each time conceive within a month or two when we were ready. The method we used was developed by an organization called CCL which has been around for over thirty years, refining their techniques as new discoveries and technologies develop.
Hope it helps.
— Scott
We decided after about a year of marriage (and lots of playing with our god-son) that maybe we were ready (I was 30, she was 27, we didn’t want to wait *too* long). We decided to stop trying not to get pregnant. A week later we panicked and decided there was no way we were ready and again started trying not to get pregnant. A month or so later we were pregnant. I had to promise it would be a girl, with red hair (we couldn’t agree on a boy’s name).
When our daughter was three we started thinking about doing this again. Three years between kids seems to be good for them to get along (our god-son had twin brothers when he was one, and he was definitely not ready to stop being the baby). We still agree on a boy’s name, so we made one up.
We got pregnant as soon as we stopped trying not to, without even any chance to change our minds. Our son is two now and he and his sister get along really well.
There’s an argument for not bringing more children into a dangerous and poisoned world, but there’s a (stronger, IMHO) argument for leaving the world better off when you leave than when you entered, and having kids (and loving them, teaching them, protecting them) is one of the best ways to do that I know.
So my advice: Stop holding back and panic. Good practice for having kids. Oh, and catch up on sleep NOW.
Sorry I couldn’t read all 57 previous messages to see if it has been mentioned. It might be in the book you’re reading, but you have to pay close attention to when she is fertile.
She should start monitoring her fluids, and her temperature as soon as she wakes up in the morning. I mean, you’re a programmer, and want to be scientific about it, right?
By May you (she) should be able to recognize when her natural lubricant is “right”: egg-yolk appearance/consistency, gooey. And the day before her otimal day, there should be a slight temperature spike in her daily chart.
If you really know her well, you might even notice how she smells differently.
When the signs are there, then “screw like crazed weasels”. If her temperature stays up for several days after her normal period would have been (of course because it hasn’t happened), there it’s very likely you were successful. Otherwise you get to “screw like…” again in a couple of weeks.
— ct
PLEASE DONT.
— Anonymous
I think that sorting out your workload and getting some well earned rest is probably more important than anything else as far as your fertility goes.
I hope that, no matter how you go about conception, that it’s fun and fruitful and that the end result is as rewarding as it’s been for us.
— Matthew Farrand
Check out the Clearplan Easy Fertility Monitor [http://www.clearplan.com.
— EasyRew
Charting temperature and fluids is a good idea. Wise words from “Friends”: “Why don’t you get drunk? That worked for a lot of girls at my high school.”
Enjoy! And, once the deed is done, Sheila Kitzinger’s childbirth/homebirth books are fantastic. :)
— LynnB
I’ve knocked up my various wives a half-dozen times simply by discontinuing birth control and screwing like a mad weasel. That’s really all it takes unless you have some kind of medical condition.
Your finance is getting into a dangerous rut with this reading about how to get pregnant and all that. Is she going to treat this baby as a baby or as some kind of project to engineer into the perfect family accessory? Lots of people fall into the trap of being overly involved with the first kid, which is why they tend to be so screwed-up.
What you need to be thinking about is a little of that old fashioned Zen letting-go kinda stuff.
Seriously, dude, don’t over-intellectualize.
— Bubbadude