![[spaceship]](http://diveintomark.org/public/2007/01/spaceship.jpg)
I woke up this morning and discovered that the stepstool, which is supposed to be in the pantry, had been removed from the pantry and strategically placed next to the kitchen counter. On the counter were a bunch of bananas, and on the floor next to the counter was an empty banana peel.
Parenting is like an ongoing episode of CSI. You’re always following the evidence back to the crime.
Parenting is also like that Star Trek episode where they’re acting as anthropologists, watching a civilization evolve at like 100 times normal speed. (Isn’t there a Star Trek episode like that? Well there should be, damn it, I’m trying to tell a story here.) You wake up one morning and say, “Oh my God, Jim, they’re using tools! Next week they’ll be building spaceships!”
Singletons don’t understand this. You say to them, “They grow up so fast!” and they look at you like, “Dude, he’s the same sniveling little brat he was yesterday.” But that’s not true. Just yesterday he was crawling around in his own primordial ooze, and today he’s using tools. Next week he’ll be building spaceships.
My boy just got “a wittle dogdy that he can hold” because he made it through a whole day without peeing in his pull-up. Yea, he pees like daddy now. That’s not exactly true. It’s a standing reverse squat pee that I’m half tempted to try out myself.
Comment by Ryan Tomayko — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 2:20 pm
Actually, there is an episode of Voyager like that. They get stuck in orbit around a planet where time goes by really fast on the surface. By the end of the episode, the civilization advances enough to free them. Someone will be along shortly to quote the episode name and number and correct any inaccuracies in this comment.
Comment by Jeff — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 2:23 pm
“Singletons” - classic.
I will have to add that to one my brother’s favorite terms: “Uniparents”. He and I both have four children.
Comment by jason — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 2:26 pm
“What’s up with this television screen?”
“I don’t know,” says my daughter. “I didn’t put cream on it.”
So that’s *two* mysteries solved, then.
Her latest is that when she grows up, she wants to be the government.
Sure doesn’t seem like six years ago I was standing outside the hospital in the cold with a cigarette.
Comment by Stuart Langridge — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 3:17 pm
Star Trek: Voyager, season 6, episode 12: “Blink of an Eye“.
Comment by Joey Day — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 4:02 pm
First thing that came to mind was The Genesis Tub.
Comment by Chris Biagini — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 4:18 pm
There’s also the Simspons’ Halloween special when Lisa creates a civilization in a petri dish: The Genesis Tub
Comment by manuel — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 4:19 pm
I sure hope his mom is okay with the “primordial ooze” mention…
Comment by Josh Peters — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 6:42 pm
Jeez, I thought becoming a parent was supposed to teach a person some humility…
Comment by Dean — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 6:56 pm
The rapid evolution idea sounds a bit like the Futurama episode Godfellas.
Comment by Joe Crawford — Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 7:34 pm
No need to follow the evidence around here. The two oldest are brazen enough just to commit the crime right in front of us…
Comment by James Snell — Wednesday, January 17, 2007 @ 1:30 am
Hear strange noise, go see what it was, see my little one with oreo crumbs on face, sitting on hand.
Question: What is in your hand
Answer: “this”
Question: Where did you get that cookie?
Answer: “don’t know”
Go to kitchen to see panty door open, with kids chair in front, and open bag of Oreos on the seat.
Comment by cjg — Wednesday, January 17, 2007 @ 4:05 am
You might be interested in the novel “Dragon’s Egg” by Robert L Forward. It’s “hard SF,” full of interesting physics and math, but also full of social and moral implications. It’s about some scientists who travel to observe a neutron star and discover a society of creatures living on the surface, who evolve at an incredible rate. There are sequels too.
Comment by Charles — Wednesday, January 17, 2007 @ 5:09 pm
I used to have a saying: “Tomorrow he’ll be walking, next week he’ll be in school, next month he’ll be asking for the car keys, and right after that he’ll be gone.”
Comment by slumos — Thursday, January 18, 2007 @ 2:47 pm
Hey, that reminds me of Starquake by Robert Forward. These humans are studying a neutron start where these beings are moving so fast and learning and advancing. Then the humans get into trouble and the neutron star civilization, was it the Cheela?, has to help them.
I was guessing colors with my 5 year-old daughther last night, now she asked me to look at the Wikipedia and other websites for more info about telepathy, a word I mentioned her as part of the game. Yes, she’s a weird gal :)
Comment by Alexis Bellido — Friday, January 26, 2007 @ 4:00 pm