[mismatched socks]

Green socks © ja_macd / CC

“I have a system,” she sighs. I glance over with skepticism.

“A system?”

“I have a system for the socks.”

“A sock system.”

“A super sock system.”

“What is your super sock system?” I ask with obviously feigned enthusiasm.

“I put the mismatched socks in a secret drawer.”

“We have secret drawers?” I perk up. “Where?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

“That seems fair. Wait, no. What?” As I sit up in the bed, a knock-off Elmo doll cries out, “Elmo loves you!”

“I sort all the socks into pairs, and I put the mismatched socks in the secret drawer. When I run out of socks, I look in the drawer and I find a match.”

“Your system sucks.” I go back to reading Digg. “Elmo loves you more!” I throw the doll into the hallway. “I like my system.”

“You don’t have a system,” she huffs.

“I have a perfectly good system. I take all the socks out of the dryer and throw them into my sock drawer.”

“That’s not a system.”

“It’s a perfectly good system. It’s called ‘late binding.’” She stifles a laugh. “Now ask me how I handle mismatched socks.”

“You only ever buy one brand of socks.”

“Exactly.” From the hallway, Elmo cries out, “Bye bye!”

“Your system sucks.”

“Can we go back to the part about your secret drawer?”

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Ten comments here (latest comments)

  1. Tell the spouse: your method comes Lifehacker Approved.

    — Mike Mariano #

  2. Funny, I have the same system you do. But my girlfriend uses different system based on type safety.

    — Peter Harkins #

  3. Maybe I should apply the same system too. A friend of mine is searching for pairs too.

    — Gari Araolaza #

  4. I have your wife’s system except for one difference, about every quarter my wife goes through and matches all the odds and ends socks for me.

    Delegation through procrastination baby!

    — Andy #

  5. I had a system, but it didn’t work. I thought “I’ll only buy black socks.” Trouble is, not all black socks are the same. So I have a drawer full of subtly-different black socks, some of which I’m sure match, but it’s quite painful staring into it with middle-aged eyes in the grey light of dawn. The upside is that almost nobody looks at your ankles closely enough to tell if the two black socks you’re wearing are the same. Except maybe on the subway, but I don’t usually ride it.

    — Tim #

  6. I tried the only-buy-one-kind-of-socks solution. It didn’t work. Different socks went from black to grey at different rates. After a surprisingly short while they were no longer recognisably “all the same”.

    I have a new system. I pick up the first two socks from the drawer. If they don’t seem to match or one seems a bit horrible or I don’t want to put one of them on for any reason, the worst one goes in the bin and I pick up the next nearest sock and apply the procedure again. Plus, I try not to care if my socks aren’t particularly similar.

    It is working OK but I’m still on the lookout for a better system.

    — Thomas David Baker #

  7. Late binding at Pensieri di un lunatico minore (pingback)
  8. I have a system.

    I wear matching socks when I’m in good mood, and a mismatched pair when I’m in bad mood.

    — michele #

  9. I’ve used the hidden drawer system for five years. It has never, ever reunited a pair. Every year for the last five years I have moved house, and when leaving I throw out the secret drawer’s worth and vow not to lose any more socks.

    I’m moving to the mono-sock method the next time I see socks I like. I’m hoping to receive approving looks from my peers at the counter.

    – Chris

    — Chris Cunningham #

  10. Am I right in thinking that taking unused clothing such as socks to a charity shop doesn’t happen with most people? What a shameful waste to simply throw them away.

    — Chris Hester #

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