dive into mark

Inspired by Mike Hommey (Google Keywords, Google Keywords – Feb 2007), I present a small sampling of the search queries that led users to my site last month. The only unifying theme is the word “can’t”:

• i can’t get no sleep — faithless (insomniac)
• if they can’t communicate the least they can do is to shut up — tom lehrer
• you can’t make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious — variously attributed
• if you don’t eat your meat you can’t have your pudding — pink floyd (the wall)
• what can’t gerbils have — pudding, for starters
• why can’t you copy a dvd — it’s a long story
• coding dvd to were they can’t be copied — lots of luck with that
• how to damage dvd so can’t copy video — my 3-year-old uses a bat
• i wiped out my operating system and reinstalled my windows xp but i can’t get my wireless card to work again how can i get the wireless connection back? — i have a funny story about that
• reinstalled windows thinkpad can’t access internet — so how did you find me?
• i reinstalled windows xp and now i can’t here anything — have you tried q-tips?
• can’t find hard disk — it’s behind the couch
• packard bell can’t reload windows xp — packard bell?!?
• ie can’t select text div — probably uses absolute positioning
• can’t view embedded objects in internet explorer — try firefox
• can’t cut or paste into or out of firefox 2 — try opera
• can’t reply to livejournal replies in apple mail — try ubuntu
• can’t play flac files ubuntu — try sudo aptitude install gstreamer0.10-plugins-good
• parents who can’t pay for babysitters — try fucking them
• no you can’t have a pony — not yours
• can’t smell vodka breath — keep telling yourself that
• “i can’t do this” bad client — http error 400?
• why can’t some users use iphoto? — let me count the ways
• if you don’t know i can’t explain it — believe me, i’ve tried
• how does it feel when somebody tells you what you can or can’t do — don’t tell me what i can’t do!

§

Six comments here (latest comments)

1. BSBlog » Blog Archive » Google Search Queries (pingback)

2. It’s funny how many people “talk” to their search engines.

   My domain gets a humongous amount of hits for people searching for Playboy images. I’ve been thinking about doing an analysis to see what playbunny of the month people want most.

   — Johan Svensson 

3. It’s true. Maybe next month I’ll do a list based on complete sentences. Or complete questions. Many of them even include proper punctuation.

   — Mark 

4. It amuses me that this post reads as “can’t [dive into mark]” in my browser’s title bar. There’s a “walled garden” joke in there somewhere.

   — Ethan 

5. “How to install Windows XP in 5 hours or less” – Oh, the wonders of Microsoft. *damn updates* Thanks for the laugh. At least someone else besides me suffered…this time.

   How intriguing that the common theme is “can’t.” I’ve always thought of this site as a place that “can.”

   packard bell can’t reload windows xp — packard bell?!? – That, I love.

   — Renee 

6. I bet the “can’t smell vodka breath” query was an attempt to find info about an episode of the show Mythbusters. If I recall correctly, they did in fact find that vodka, or some vodka-based solution, was a good breath freshener.

   — Matt 

Respond privately

I am no longer accepting public comments on this post, but you can use this form to contact me privately. (Your message will not be published.)

§