![[Somebody else's cats on a Poang chair]](/public/2008/04/poang.jpg)
It is impossible to parody Ikea.
But first, let’s back up a few miles. The extended family went up to Maryland over the weekend for a friend’s wedding. Everybody deserves to have the wedding they’ve always wanted, and these friends certainly did. Sunny gardens, Unitarian service, plantable seat cards, baseball-themed reception and two wedding cakes. (His: Nationals, hers: Orioles, both delicious. During wedding planning, they agreed that the team with the better record would have a higher cake stand.) On the way home we stopped at Ikea.
I grew up with Ikea in Philadelphia (the first Ikea in the US), but I haven’t been to one in years because they aren’t anywhere near Raleigh, NC. Even Charlotte won’t be terribly convenient. In the interim, my budget and my taste have expanded, but not irreconcilably so. In 1985, my parents bought two original Poäng chairs for what my father remembers as $90 each. The chairs lasted for 18 years before finally succumbing to the moving van consolidation effect.
Ikea is exactly as I remember it. While it may be true that Wii Fit looks great with anything from Ikea, Ikea itself remains impossible to parody. Funky Swedish names in bold sans serif, flat crate boxes in self-service aisles, even down to the odd British-looking cookies stacked near the checkout lanes. And a sign at checkout that reads (paraphrasing) “Plastic bags are now 5¢ because we want you to stop using them.” (Apparently this pisses off some Mac users, and you know how I love anything that pisses off Mac users.)
I bought myself a Poäng chair. They now come in colors, leather, and children’s sizes, with matching footstools. I chose a dark brown frame with red cushions. Total price: $90.
I couldn’t care less if the guy is a Mac user or not but I am terribly amused at how much energy he spent on getting upset over having to pay $.05 for a bag. “They should tell you first!” And his attitude at the register against someone who has no say whatsover on store policy was rude and a waste of time in my opinion. Having been a cashier and on the receiving end of diatribes from customers like him, I can only imagine the fake smile she surely pasted on her face and the deep breaths she must had had to take.
Comment by Patricia — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 5:47 pm
Here is a parody of ikea: http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/how_to/the_nonexpert_ikea.php
Comment by B — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 5:50 pm
My whole office is like an Ikea shrine. I’d be lost without them.
Comment by Matt — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 6:46 pm
For those wondering about the “funky swedish name”: “Poäng” means “point” (as in a score). Each piece of furniture has a name, supposedly because Ingvar Kamprad - IKEA’s founder - is dyslexic and had a hard time remembering product codes.
Comment by Peter Krantz — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 7:08 pm
I can only assume that the sign I saw was in response to customer complaints like the one I linked. We all had a good laugh over it; I wish I’d thought to take a picture of the exact wording.
Comment by Mark — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 7:09 pm
Yeah, Ingvar Kamprad started giving stuff names instead of product codes.
There was an article recently about Denmark being annoyed at all the Ikea carpets getting Danish names and feeling like us Swedes were stepping on them. Some irate politician even wanted a ban until it changed.
Comment by Johan Svensson — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 7:31 pm
> (Apparently this pisses off some Mac users, and you know how I love anything that pisses off Mac users.)
That’s a bit of an over-generalization. It obviously pissed off _one_ idiot Mac user, but the rest of the thread is pretty much telling the poster they are overreacting.
Comment by David Avraamides — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 9:28 pm
The best name of an Ikea item I’ve ever bought was a lamp whose code name was “FARTY G”. Yes, “Farty G.”
Also, as a Mac user, I have to say that I am pissed off with this blog post. REALLY PISSED OFF.
Comment by Anonymous — Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 10:12 pm
No, its name is \”Fartyg\”, meaning \”ship\” (as in water vessel).
Comment by Tomas — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 3:12 am
In Germany it is widely believed that all those Ikea names are just constructed to amuse Germans. It\’s impossible that they are real Swedish words, you simply cannot have a language that is so funny to Germans by accident (well, Dutch comes close…).
Poäng for example might mean \”Po\” \”äng\” or \”Po\” \”eng\”. Po would be buttocks in English, and \”eng\” means narrow. That cannot be ascribed to coincidence. There was also this children\’s lamp called Fikkar, but that\’s a different story …
Comment by Martin Probst — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 3:54 am
If there is one thing that truly sucks about both PHP in general and Wordpress in particular is that they still didn\’t manage to get the Browser->Server Software->Database roundtrip correct. Proofed by this character: \”.
But that\’s nothing compared to the unholiness stuff they do to Unicode text… it annoyed me enough to write my own blog software.
Comment by Martin Probst — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 4:00 am
First it was the 5¢ for the bags, and now your brazen generalization against \”Mac users\” (a stereotype you yourself were once, sir): I am outraged. I am appalled at your choice in affordable Nordic home furnishings, as well. For shame.
Comment by Internet Outrage — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 4:46 am
@Martin: I believe this is a regression in the latest nightlies.
Comment by Mark — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 9:13 am
\”Ikea furniture should list difficulty ratings\” http://www.wastedtalent.ca/index.php?view=362
Comment by James — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 9:48 am
Impossible to parody? http://www.jonathancoulton.com/songdetails/Ikea
Comment by Jeffrey — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 9:59 am
In the UK, charging for bags is becoming increasingly commonplace. Marks and Spencer, a country-wide high-street company aiming squarely for the middle class have just announced they’ll start charging for plastic bags. I believe the government announced some kind of strategy to start getting everyone to charge for them, too.
Comment by Andrew Sidwell — Tuesday, April 15, 2008 @ 10:28 pm
Funky quote problem fixed, thanks for testing SVN trunk. :)
Comment by Matt — Wednesday, April 16, 2008 @ 11:16 am
I find Ikea’s designs rather bland and characterless, but they’re better-made than most flat-pack furniture. If you can’t find or afford to patronise a good bespoke manufacturer then they’re probably the best of the lot.
Comment by Jake — Wednesday, April 16, 2008 @ 2:00 pm
@Martin Probst: you find the Dutch language funny? I am DEEPLY and PROFOUNDLY offenden…
When ‘we’ see a small white cat relaxing in a large chair with brown cushions standing on a rug we don’t call it a ‘Kleinweiskatzingrößbraunküssenstuhlamkleit’ or something.
;)
Comment by Leo — Wednesday, April 16, 2008 @ 5:11 pm
This is a real Ikea product: http://zgp.org/~dmarti/images/net-crap/jerker.png
I saw it in the Emeryville store.
Comment by Don Marti — Tuesday, April 22, 2008 @ 7:30 pm
IKEA in Coventry, UK is entered via the top floor. You have to take a lift from the ground floor to floor 6, then walk down to 5th to pay for things. The best bit is that you leave via escalators that sweep through 4th, 3rd and second as a huge void with 40ft high warehouse stacks. I MUST take a video camera and do a tracking shot down that escalator….
NOT lamps illuminate this room, and I’m sitting on a lillberg chair. Ruth likes the meatballs (I’m veggie).
Comment by KeithB — Thursday, April 24, 2008 @ 5:27 pm