dive into mark

‣ February 23, 2010 ‣

Simplicity is hard. Let’s go shopping!

As part of my pursuit of happiness, I have been steadily shedding attachments, getting rid of things I don’t use, thinking about ways of keeping the things I do use longer, and just generally being a pain in the ass. This, for instance, is an actual conversation I had with my wife last fall:

Herself: What do you want for your birthday?

Myself: Nothing.

Her: You’re impossible to shop for.

Me: Actually, I want less than that. I want you to let me sell my car and replace it with nothing.

Her: Be realistic. We live in the suburbs.

Me: I have a bike.

Her: But what if my van breaks down?

Me: We have AAA.

Her: It would still put a huge burden on me if we only had one vehicle.

Me: That’s why it’s called a “gift.”

Her: You’re getting restaurant gift cards. And socks.

Me: I don’t need socks.

Apropos of nothing, I would just like to point out that the title of this post is a snowclone, which itself is a word that I learned in the process of researching the exact wording of the original phrase of which it is a snowclone (“Math is hard. Let’s go shopping!” from Teen Talk Barbie circa 1992). Not knowing whether I should write “simplicity is hard” or “simplicity is tough,” I searched Google for “let’s go shopping” math barbie, and the first result was a Language Log article called Tracking snowclones is hard. Let’s go shopping! which is both self-referential in the obvious sense, and also wonderfully meta-referential in that Language Log was instrumental in coining the word “snowclone” in the first place, but now can not possibly keep track of the snowclones, as seen by the lengthy update to that very post “added for those who find this via the Wikipedia entry for ’snowclone’,” which would be… me. And damn it, now I’ve spent the last two hours on a wiki walk. (And now I’ve (re)introduced you to TvTropes, so, you know, there goes your evening and most of your night. Try to come up for air before dawn.)

My point, such that I have one, is that simplicity is easy to describe but difficult to achieve. Especially (though not exclusively) when there are other people in your life. While I applaud millionaires who decide to give away all their money (I say “their” money instead of “his” money, since even if he made the bulk of it, I can’t imagine him being able to give it away without his wife’s consent), the reality at home is more droll. Take, for instance, the television in our bedroom. It is small, as televisions go, costing no more than $100. It was once hooked up to a DVD player, which itself cost less than $50. Our children used to congregate in our bedroom after bath and before bed and watch 10 or 15 minutes worth of a movie or Sesame Street or some similar passive entertainment. I say “used to,” because in truth they stopped doing that about a year ago. No particular reason, just changing patterns. I pointed out to my wife that this would be a perfect opportunity to simplify by getting rid of the television and replacing it with nothing. That conversation went something like this:

Myself: Can we get rid of this television?

Herself: No.

Me: But we never use it anymore.

Her: I’m sure that’s not true.

So I did what any self-respecting scientist would do when faced with an untested hypothesis: I devised a test. Which is to say, I unplugged it. The television. The power cord winds its way to a wall socket behind a dresser, which itself has to be moved in order to get at the socket, so my trickery was both non-obvious and difficult to counteract even if one should notice it. Which, of course, no one did. So there it sat, unused and unplugged, for over six months. Until one day, or rather one night, when we found ourselves in an old familiar situation — kids in pajamas, jumping on the bed, and so on — and my wife actually tried to pop in a DVD.

Herself: The TV doesn’t work.

Myself: I unplugged it.

Her: When?

Me: About six months ago.

Her: Why would you do that?

Me: To prove we never use it.

Her: I’m trying to use it right now.

Me: What are you hoping to accomplish?

Her: I need to calm the boys down.

Me: And this need has not arisen in the past six months?

Her: We usually read books.

Me: Why can’t we do that now?

Her: …

Me: Can we get rid of the television now?

Her: No, we might need it.

Me: OK, but I’m not plugging it back in.

Her: I hate you.

About five and a half months after that, which is to say about two weeks ago, I had bought some new art and set about rearranging the walls to make everything fit. “Aha, an opportunity presents itself!” I thought to myself. You see, the (unplugged) television had always blocked a critical piece of real estate in our bedroom, above the dresser, in direct line of sight while lying in bed. The next morning, shortly after she had left the house to go to work, I disassembled the whole contraption, television and DVD player and all. I cleaned up an impressive amount of Assorted Random Crap that had accumulated around, behind, and beneath the television, I said goodbye to the final pile of physical discs in our house, and I hung one of my wife’s favorite pieces on the newly reclaimed wall in its place. When she came home, I gave her the grand tour of our newly rearranged walls, of course working up to the bedroom as the finale.

Herself: Yes! You finally got rid of that stupid television!

Myself: You know I unplugged it a year ago.

Her: Really? Why would you do that?

Me: It’s not important.

Fifty two comments here (latest comments)

re: the Car – Cost of Insurance plus Registration plus Depreciation plus Maintenance plus Running Costs equals a large number of Taxi fares (or rental cars) if stuff goes wrong.

My justification for a single car (well out in the burbs) is that at a minimum if I spend less than $40/week on cabs then I’m well ahead.

— Rob
You, sir, are Made of Awesome, and I bow to you. You made me laugh, too. Thanks. :-)

— Nicola Larosa
Hi, your article reminds me of my television that is unplugged for the past few months. Maybe it’s also time for me to clear it of :)

Read about your setup at mark.pilgrim.usesthis.com and didn’t understand how you can connect 3 screens to a single CPU (obviously, I am not a techie). Have been wondering all this while, would be nice if you can help to shed some light.

Wanted to get something like yours (but running Debian fluxbox) that can last me for the next 10+ years :D

— Mich
What a brilliant title! I subscribe to your ideal of simplicity, even refuse gifts to the point of alienating friends. However, being single, I’m not having nearly as much fun as you do.

— George
By the end it is her idea :)

— Fred
Snowclones are the new black.

— Luiz Rocha
There’s a futurama episode (the one in which fry gets worms) where we’re able to see the innards of leela’s home…

and it’s… well… perfect: a monitor (i hope not connected to a crappy on-the-air tv, but integrated with a computer), a couch and… that’s all!

http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/3600/leelaapartmentd.png

i too would strive to get as near as possible to that… if i had time to scrap all the useless things around me, that is

— Tiibiidii
Your wife is a saint.

— pmarin
My wife is going to kill you and me when I show her this :D

— paurullan
@pmarin I came to the opposite conclusion.

— Michael
Nice! Similar discussions occur at our house…

— Guy At HockeyBias dot com
Much love to you in general, but, dude, not cool:

“While I applaud millionaires who decide to give away all their money (I say “their” money instead of “his” money, since even if he made the bulk of it, I can’t imagine him being able to give it away without his wife’s consent)”

I know you’re trying to be funny, but do I even need to unpack all the chavinistic assumptions in that statement? It’s 2010. Get with the program.

— Clay Bridges
Nice entry. I often feel the same way.

— TheUnbornFlesh
One of the most refreshing posts I’ve read in a while, thanks for posting. I’m always fighting with the amount of stuff I have and want to get rid of.

— Andrew Hyde
grow a pair!

— balls
IF you were serious, you would leave the ‘burbs and give away your children.
My home is so empty it echoes.
It is beautiful.
All surfaces in my home are empty.
Even the walls. Art is clutter. My art is minimalism.

— chantelle oliver
The rule my family uses (as you say, we already have everything we could want) is that gifts must be consumable: that is, there must be a point after which the gift goes away so it does not add to the accumulation of stuff. It can be a massage, a dinner, chocolate, flowers, many other things as long as at some point I am done with it.

— Evan M
Please say no to gift cards too:
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2009/12/gift-cards-suck/

— Mark S
Clay, are you sure that’s chauvinistic? The millionaire is male, and I know nothing of the financial situation of his wife. In what way would it be chauvinistic to expect someone to consult their partner, of whatever sex, before making a major lifestyle change which will inevitably affect them both in some way? He hasn’t implied any old stereotype like “having to ask the little lady first – wink wink” or anything – why the reaction? Are you sure you’re not looking for chauvinism where none exists?

— Andrew
“I know you’re trying to be funny, but do I even need to unpack all the chavinistic assumptions in that statement? It’s 2010. Get with the program.”
Spoken like a true bachelor.

— Mike Kirk
@Clay B. – We all have different assumptions and different realities.

— MV
@Clay Bridges: Chauvinistic assumptions? There is a link in the sentence. It is about a specific person, a man. The parenthesized sentence is about the choice of using “millionaires who decide to give away all their money” instead of “the millionaire who decided to give away all his money”. This much is obvious. Are you suggesting that one use (singular, awkward) “their” instead of “his”, even when the gender is clear?

[Also, do you know any other millionaires who decided to give away all their money, and are any of them female?]

— svat
To be fair to Clay, I read the article, specifically this sentence: “Mr Rabeder has also sold the interior furnishings and accessories business – from vases to artificial flowers – that made his fortune.” And I assumed that he either made the money before he met his wife, or he ran the business by himself. Neither is stated in the article; it’s perfectly plausible that he and his wife ran the business, and thus made the money, together.

Still, you don’t sell a multi-million dollar villa in the Alps and move into a small wooden hut unless your wife agrees with your newfound definition of happiness. Which was my point — it’s hard to simplify when your choices directly affect other people who don’t share your zeal for simplifying.

— Mark
Nearly the same discussions in our house. I dread the work that will be required if we ever move.

Also: going without the car is tough. When getting on the train, you’ve now got a bike, plus backpack, and maybe also a secondary pack. That — plus winter gloves, hat, & scarf — is a lot to contend with. Especially when the train is packed. Even with a folding bike it’s quite tough. And if it’s cold and raining? Yow — you need a full rainsuit, and then you’re dripping when getting on the train.

— John
I hope you are enjoying your choice of not having a TV on the bedroom. See: http://tvnz.co.nz/view/page/650268

— Pedro
Brilliant.

— Alex Cornwell
@Mich: Most desktop computers come with several expansion slots; you can use these to plug in more video cards, which in turn drive the extra monitors.

— Sam LG
Why is art more simple than a tv? Both are completely useless things you passively consume.

— Pavel
Excellent. More like this please.

I’ve been meaning to do the “turn the hangers around on all of your clothes and get rid of the ones you don’t use in 6 months” thing for a while. This might be what gets me to do it.

— Jemaleddin
I’ve been a fan of your writing on computing, and now I’m starting to be a fan of your life-philosophy too. Less-is-more. We’re finite and ought to be good at being such.

— Another limist
Ah, I have a system for clothes too! I put clean ones at the front of my closet and push everything else down. At the end of the season, I start at the back and give away all the clothes I can live without. I’ve been doing this for over 10 years. I may buy too many clothes (at the moment, my tastes run towards “Threadless t-shirts”), but I don’t *keep* too many clothes.

— Mark
@Pavel if you’re passively consuming your art, you’re buying the wrong art.

— Mark
Oops. Re: Chavinism. I read right past the link. Careless. Sorry.

So, to myself: It’s 2010. Get with the link!

PS FWIW, I have a partner and 3-yo twins. I *know* things.

— Clay Bridges
Herself, myself, … the conversation is strange. Short phrases, you me. I think there is something missing. You should have several lifes: as a scientist, as a programmer, as a husband, as a father, … so I suppose life is not that simple.

The TV off could be something to consider having off is like a mirror of our life,
better to have it there. It means anything.

— mindless
Trying to get the feeling about what means to get rid of things, and reading about snowclone, the only pattern I can see if that simplicity is nothing i desire for me.

I wish people could be able to have a very complex mind that enables them to play in a theater every day a different role. Perhaps simplicity is a different thing, but I don’t see where is the bifurcation point. Simplicity can be foolish.

Well, this only mean I can’t understand the mental state to pursue simplicity.

Really, nothing much to say. (I might be getting rid of some ideas perhaps).

— mindless
thanks!
that were some very entertaining minutes.
keep up the good work :)

— martin
Simplicity is complicated

— Gwyn
Mark, it was like you were speaking directly to me. I love the idea of getting rid of stuff and simplifying, but you hit the nail on the head; once your simplifying affects others who don’t care for it i.e. my girlfriend, the whole thing gets much harder. Same with receiving gifts from friends and family. It is nice to know that other people are in the same situation. And judging by the other comments it seems we’re all in good company. Thanks for the inspiration :D

— Terry
Dude! You are so gettin’ an iPhone. Simplicity? There’s an app for that.

— C. Ross Jam
Why not make simplifying/getting rid of stuff a family discussion? Might be some good lessons in there.

— jamie
Perhaps your wife is concerned that you might not need her one of these days.

— Sandy
The reason you’re doing all this stuff is because your wife isn’t hot enough. When a guy is stuck with an unattractive mate, he goes neurotic looking for ways to be happy which won’t actually work.

If you’ve never gone out with a really attractive girl then you won’t have a reference for this. It’s just something wired into male brains which will surprise you if you’ve never experienced it.

If you HAVE experienced it then you may have forgotten. Nothing else works as well as doing fun things (including vacations, events, concerts, etc.) with a very attractive partner.

“In Love” for males is really just sexual attraction. It’s THE vital component, no more optional than water or air for quality of life.

Of course social pressure makes it “unacceptable” to begin romancing a younger girl since you’re married with kids. So the easy way out is to do minor things that really make no difference, because you let others’ opinions stop you from doing what would actually work. “Change is hard — let’s die inside a little more every day!”

Think it would be “selfish”? Getting rid of all your stuff (re: your FAMILY’S stuff) is ALSO selfish. You’re getting rid of tools that OTHERS could find useful because YOU are at a certain stage. If you were really unattached then it wouldn’t make any difference whether something was there or not. You’re just making it more likely that one of these days, your wife is going to BUY a new TV/DVD player just because she happens to want one at the time and feels it’s ridiculous you got rid of perfectly usable commonplace items.

Getting rid of stuff doesn’t fix anything. It’s just a symptom of realizing that the stuff isn’t what makes you happy. But getting rid of what you don’t need ISN’T the same as getting what you DO need. Lack of junk != Presence of people.

— Butseriously
I wish that I was you. I feel like getting rid of stuff now.

— William Prahl
oh boy, I can so relate to this. in actual fact, we had a conversation along those lines only about 10 minutes before I came across your post.

thanks Mark

— ulf
@ Butseriously
Your tone is hard, but there is some logic in your story.
But the same happens when you suddenly realize there is so much crap in your house you don’t need. I have a fine wife, but sometimes I get sick of all the stuff we have when others cannot pay the rent…

— T
it’s interesting how different relationships work. you’ve clearly found a solution for your situation. but still i can’t help bu echo jamie’s suggestion: why not make this more of a group thing?

— andrew cooke
Re: butseriously, just when I thought I had that whole “Time-wasting jerk of the thread” thing wrapped up! I suspect the fact I wasn’t trolling still gives me the ignominious “win”.

— Clay Bridges
Oy, that brings back memories.

We now live alongside my mother (no jokes please!) with her next door in the granny unit that we built. She’s borderline “hoarder”. She’s now down to only two households worth of junk (after several years of me constantly hounding her). Our conversations go like this:

Me: What about that “George Foreman” grill?

Her: I use it all the time.

Me: It’s been up on the shelf where you can’t reach it for 2 years now…

Her: I need that

Me: uh huh.

— Kosh
Your no-widget, no-sidebar, almost no-background layout is so well placed with your ‘character’ in this ’stroy’ post. :-)

Fractals however are indeed hard though!!

— Gaurav
So damn funny… love it!

— Tobi
I think your problem isn’t simplicity, it’s just your wife.

— K
These types of posts are an inspiration.

— Tyler

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