Mark, I’ve only been reading you for a short time, but wanted to say that you’re awesome. It sucks that being honest is such a chore, but I appreciate the effort.
Just wanted to say I really like the font. I had never heard of it before. I’m going to have to install it now.
“…whether I plan to kill myself before lunchtime.”
I kinda worried about this when you blogged about video formats. That stuff smelled like Things Man was Not Meant to Know.
[OT] I must concur with the other Jonathan above, it is an excellent font.
As a long-time reader (and one who started blogging because of your writings), all I can say is don’t give up. It is truly hard to express non-work-related opinions about non-work-approved subjects when you spend 60+ hours a week in work-related activities, but you’ve always seemed to do so well.
Somehow, you’ll figure out how to avoid anything that relates to “big G”, just as I avoid writing about anything that relates to my employer. Consider it a game: how can I write about things that interest me and which I have recently been thinking about without stepping on the employer organization’s toes?
— W^L+ 
Just be glad you’re being stalked for altruistic reasons.
You aren’t planning on killing yourself now are you? :)
— nine
By the way, the font you’ve picked is anti-alised in an extremely ugly manner on my Win7 laptop. If I triple the font size it starts looking OK.
— nine
Every blog post, check-in, tweet, comment, etc is a step towards a well needed social honesty. A move towards a world where it’s understood that it’s possible to be plainly human and meanwhile decent / productive / efficient / knowledgeable / and so on – all at once. No idea what you’re referring to in this post, but I remain a fan of universal honesty and appreciate that said honesty gets gradually easier, explicitly because of this strange binary bebop we dance around in every day.
Mark,
I’ve been reading you since the lighthouse days. I don’t think you can be great without caring, and what drives you is personal. If you feel that censoring yourself is a good trade for the effectiveness you’re enjoying at [your employer], all good.
Your employer should realize that what drives you is what makes you great and is what causes you to share professionally and personally. Don’t trade away your lighthouse.
— Jeremy Dunck
If you have the ability to have more than a single inbox, you’re doing it wrong. Thomas A. Limoncelli’s “Time Management for System Administrators” has a great quote on this “No one’s dying thought is ‘Gosh, I wish I had spent more time at the office’”. People who get things done have to use the same tools to manage their lives in order to actually have personal time, it’s not an option. Now, if I could only get my company to understand this is why I bring my own computer to the office, we’d all be set.
@Mark Armendariz
I like the sound of that noble world you live in. You know, the one without idiots, rushes to conclusions, trouble-making, cheap shots, cheating, and wilful misinterpretation. It must be quite nice.
Mark,
Fonts and anti-alienation aside, I find it totally charming that a person so demonstrably intelligent and sophisticated in the ways of social media and the whole Internet thing would expect to be able to maintain or sustain a division between the personal and the professional while so effectively using said media (and things.) What does convergence mean after all, in the more-or-less ultimate sense of the word?
…edN
— Ed Nixon
Mark, I find your writing to be refreshing and interesting. I gather from the comments that you work at Google. But honestly, it doesn’t matter shit to me where you work. (Personally, I don’t like Google and it’s big company cult shit. But, whatever.)
I think part of the problem is that you are not compartmentalising. It is possible to have more than one email box. The web offers great potential to both anonymity, and even just having multiple places which you don’t connect.
And you seem to have done that to a certain extent here. After all, I don’t know where you work, and it isn’t relevant.
Anyway, cheers.
— Anon
Have you ever thought writing under a pseudonym?
— Alexandre
The web offers potential for anonymity, but only if your personality does not exceed the small box anonymity imposes upon you. Determined people can link you (thinking of guys like _why), or it can happen all by accident.
I don’t like living in a box, and I sure don’t intend to force myself inside one to keep “corporate-land” away from “personal-land”.
Instead, think of identity separation as DRM. Do enough to deter the casual users, forget any hope of stopping the determined pirates. Trying to control every last bit of information can drive a man crazy, so accept some battles are lost and concentrate on the war.
I hear you Mark, but you kind of brought it on yourself too. I know you must realize this. Any writer worth his or her salt looks at what they have written and contemplates, even in a fuzzy way, how it might be interpreted by others. I know you are worth your salt, so I can only believe you looked at your post, assessed all the things it might mean to your readers, many of whom have that cursed combination of being aware of your past and caring about you on some level, and posted it anyways. Don’t give me this dying duck in a hailstorm nonsense.
— Joel D
Having recently been threated with firing over stuff I said on my personal blog, I really understand what you are saying. I think it’s utter bullshit that in our corporatized world, everyone is supposed to not be a person and you cannot have a personal opinion or thought without your employer fucking with you about it in some way. Sorry you’ve gone through trouble. FWIW, I read your earlier blog post, and didn’t think it was a cry for help and didn’t email you about it. :)
— Bradley
Oooh, nice font.
Also, what do you think about writing mostly-anonymously?
— John
I’m fairly young (22) compared to my co-workers, and I’m often condescended to for speaking frankly and honestly and I’m often perceived as not having a division between my work and personal life. However, I always make a point to be professional, kind, and open-minded when in the midst of work-related discussions or events, whereas I find most others to be very selfish and political at the same time. At any rate, my response to their criticism has always been that I’d rather find another job (or freelance, or whatever) than to have abitrary irrational limits placed on communication in life. Work is a subset of my life, a means to an end, not an end in itself, and my life–and happiness, as being tends to make me feel unburdened (thus, happy)–takes precedence. Perhaps when I’m older, I’ll stop being so stubborn, but, for now, this is how I am. And, thankfully, it has worked out well enough for me so far.
I’m very sorry that you have these problems. Frankly, it’s quite shocking given how “enlightened” our society otherwise purports to have evolved to be. In any case, from a fairly new reader, I appreciate your exhaustion and expression of such. I hope that you continue to deny external forces the ability to restrict your fundamental humanity, as the more effort you expend on such non-issues, the less energy you’ll have to keep contributing productively. And that would be a tragedy indeed.
I would say that the world we live in is insane, but to say that posits, if only in our minds, a sane world. What would such a world look like? I ask not out of sorrow, but in wonder..
— Michael
I am again confused. Do you attempt to compartmentalize? Because if so, I do not see it. You seem to write about issues that most would interpret as professional (software, HTML5, video formats, etc) on a personal blog, right along side your post about simplifying your life, your kids, wife, etc.
You also use your massive following on Twitter and potentially on other social networks both to connect on a personal level (finding cellular phones that work in Canada) and a professional level (evangelizing software).
If compartmentalization is what you wish, you haven’t done as good a job at it as you’ve done picking fonts.
— Ben
I feel like adding that I do not judge you. The choices you make are your own. I, too, have struggled with addiction and I, too have let my personal and professional lives bleed into each other in an odd and sometimes disturbing ways.
The world is funny in the way it sees you though. It sees you as a complete person, one with a job during the day and hobbies at night. No one at a party asks you what your name is at work and what your name is at home. It’s “What’s your name? What do you do for a living? What are your hobbies?”, as if they are all related somehow.
— Ben
Compartmentalization was easier when I worked at IBM, where approximately five people in my building even knew I had a blog. Nowadays, I’m writing a book, “partially” on company time (whatever that means), where the changelogs show up in my personal firehose but are also measured against my quarterly goals at work. The the “about” page lists my personal email address, but I got the gig in the first place because a manager at work approached me and said “We, the corporate entity, would like you to do that thing you do, about this topic that we, the corporate entity, care about this year.” The book contract itself is technically between me and O’Reilly, but the book will need corporate review before it gets published.
Historically, I’ve fought FOR the ability to mix the professional and the personal. Except: I find myself on the cusp of a new project that really, really, REALLY needs to be strictly personal, and I find I don’t have any place to put it. There aren’t any “strictly personal venues” left, and the standard disclaimer doesn’t cut it. So what do I do now?
— Mark
“I find myself on the cusp of a new project that really, really, REALLY needs to be strictly personal, and I find I don’t have any place to put it. There aren’t any “strictly personal venues” left, and the standard disclaimer doesn’t cut it. So what do I do now?”
The poem “When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple” I think says it best: Wait until you get a little older and you won’t care as much. Or, take a deep breath and dive deeper now. Those who care, won’t care.
TTFN
Travis
— Travis
The _why pseudonym is available again.
— _dive
Mark-
Quit your job.
Or, alternatively, a pseudonym. Not to hide your identity, but to make it clear to everyone that what you do under that pseudonym is yours and yours only. It’s not about fooling anyone, it’s about making a clean break from a pre-existing identity and all the baggage that comes with being Internet Famous.
— Ben
You have just one life to live. When you’re 64, if you live to 64, will you regret that you put work before life?
— Mark
Please forgive the anonymousness of this comment.
I found myself with a new very personal project I wanted to pursue a couple of years ago. The only way I could find to do it without mass hysteria was to quit my job. Which I did. Money is tighter now, but I am happier and much more free.
Also, it turns out that enough people still want me to work for them that I can make ends meet through freelance gigs. I tend not to get much credit for my paid work and the promotion prospects are fewer but the mortgage is up-to-date and I have time, space and freedom to pursue any project I choose.
Now, I don’t have dependents so it’s easier for me and there are inevitable sacrifices. But those sacrifices are mostly of possessions and it turns out the less possessions I have the happier I am. So it does actually work.
— Private Person
I remember someone saying that he has no real life, skimming the above text it sounds similar, so it must be difficult to have a real life in this cincunstances.
But is amazing how sincere it sounds.
I have to say Mark, your misery makes for great writing. Like the slew of authors before you who lived tumultuous lives and produced tremendous works, your writing as of late has been amazing! :)
— m
Having slept on it, I’ve concluded that pseudonymity is the wrong solution to every problem I currently have. As a true secret identity, it fails the test of dying without any keys (or, less metaphorically, dying without any secrets). I’ll spend too much time on identity maintenance — keeping track of Who Knows and so forth. As an “open secret” identity, it doesn’t actually solve any of my problems. I don’t want to start over online, establish a new identity from scratch (even with the benefit of hints dropped to a large audience). I just want to untangle the identities I have.
— Mark
Elsewhere, and potentially relevant: Tweetage Wasteland, specifically I’m a Web Analytics Junkie, My Head is in the Cloud, and You got your peanut butter in my inbox. To wit, this paragraph made me give up on Google Buzz:
One of the things I love about the Google Super Bowl ad is that every query (going to paris, grabbing a coffee, scoring) leads to an offline, real world experience. Google Buzz is about having yet another experience on the web. I prefer Google the tool to Google the place.
I don’t actually need another experience on the web. I want to use my built-in audience on the web to effect some change in the real world. This will be the focus of my upcoming project (tentatively scheduled for “after I finish this fucking book and spend two weeks offline in undisturbed quiet and calm”).
— Mark
I must agree with you on that one. At least in a way. Now, in the imaginary but very potent event of a worldwide and definitive collapse of the internet, we shouldn’t feel like we lose something, according to me. No, we should be the data, and the internet should only be a tool to gain even more data, downloaded to our brains.
— TIMY
I don’t actually need another experience on the web. I want to use my built-in audience on the web to effect some change in the real world.
Thank you.
— slowth
You are a terrific writer. Please write a novel.
— Write on dead trees
Regarding the novel, I am reminded of this (variously attributed, often paraphrased) quote: “Every man has a novel inside him. And that’s an excellent place for it, too.”
— Mark
Don’t trade away your lighthouse.
Beautifully phrased, thank you. I hope I remember that when the time comes.
— Mark
In a world of blogs that 99% of the time I really can’t be bothered reading, I keep coming back here. Amazingly I come back not just for new posts but also to reread old posts as some new piece of context has entered my life.
You make my internet a better, more interesting and thoughtful place.
Thank you.
Reading the comments and your remarks, it appears that you are gaining clarity to your question. I for one, find sage advice in talking with your father, but of course I am from his generation. I read your blog to see how the next generation is doing. And I am pleased.
— Jim
Mark, it seems to me that you don’t need to untangle your identities, just your venues. You’re no stranger to project-specific domain names, so why not separate out the strands (by whatever schema seems appropriate to you) to dedicated blogs on separate domains or subdomains?
That said, having read and re-read this post and the comments, I am uncertain what the attempt at compartmentalization is intended to accomplish, currently. I recall that the original goal was to allay your then-employer’s idiotic concerns that your personal posts would reflect poorly on them in some way (and it didn’t work anyway), but surely you haven’t received *that* kind of feedback from your current employer?
Personally, I have often noticed that there is a fine segue between addictions and workaholism. Or, in other words, I think many addictions are there to allow people to function or flow amongst each other in an industrialized time schedule of work, which mankind was just not created to do. Or some may not have been.
For many the act of getting to work on time every day is as much of a habit as the beer they’ll have immediately upon getting home, out of work, or cig on break, etc.
Sometimes it’s really hard for some people just to enjoy themselves. Esp for long periods of time. One of the best bits of advice I ever heard was “Don’t call in sick, call in well.”
When I look back at my own recovery and subsequent years, I had the immediacy of mind’s brilliance but not the logistics, the understanding of how to work my own place and how I fit into outside forces, etc, and I lost out on lots of things I otherwise could have gained. Oh, did I lose…
But that was then and this is now.
I have often wondered why by now you don’t run your own company, though you could be a bear to work for, I’d imagine. But you are so brilliant. You should be set by now. You should be like one of the Henry Kissingers of the web. Well paid for advice. But maybe web doesnt pay as well as corporate law.
rest and give it a few weeks. things will look differently. the future is wide open.
Hey, but thanks for the HTML5 book so far! Loving it, as per usual with your stuff.
Talking Heads
Once in a Lifetime (1984)
Once In A Lifetime
And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Water dissolving…and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?…Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
— Micajah Posey
About: “Every man has a novel inside him. And that’s an excellent place for it, too.”
1.- Why can a man have more than one novel.
2.- Why everybody has to write a novel.
3.- Why is that the best place.
Why I bother to write this?
About the mix. I sincerely think that if you don’t like to be anonymous because is hard to build a community of readers, others can think that you should bother to give an image that is not a “bird in a cave without air” story.
If this is a mine, the bird is singing, so others don’t want to go to this mine.
— Anonymous